Good morning all.
Moments ago, I saw and read a relationship topic on front page. This is as a result of that topic. The OP asked for advice from NLers over his to - be wife who has very serious anger issues. Anger is one of the worst weaknesses any person could have or tolerate in their lives.
We have this erroneous belief that ALL courtship must end in marriage. It's a dangerous mindset. The purpose of any courtship is to ascertain the COMPATIBILITY of the people involved. It's a time for each person to carefully decide what they can or can't tolerate in their partner. The courtship period is the most vital period before the knot is tied.
This message isn't tailored towards discouraging those who are in a courtship neither is it intended to make us fault finders but its purpose is make sure we make good decisions with our HEADS after taking the time to study and understand people.
People don't change.
Humans are some of the most complex creatures God ever made. We hardly change. We only change when we want to, not because some people wanted us to. That's the human nature. If you're tolerating very difficult issues with the belief the person will change in marriage, you've inherited an eternal prayer and fasting ministry. They will hardly change.
Don't ever ignore RED FLAGS.
Red flags are warning signals predicting potential dangers in the path of your relationship.
If any person told me I want going to marry Mary, I wouldn't have believed. I thought we were in love. Maybe we were. I was old enough to have witnessed my parents argue very bitterly, sometimes also to the point of not talking to each other for days. So I knew marriage is one of the most vital events I'll ever undertake; so I was prepared to get as much facts as I could on the issue of marriage.
When I visited her this fateful day, I didn't know it would be the last day we would see. It was blissful day. She had suggested I visit a pastor friend of hers. I did. She suggested I visit another friend but this time I refused because of the exhaustion that followed the first journey. In fact I suggested we reschedule the visit. An argument ensued. She insisted I should go, but I stood my grounds. After some exchange of words, I decided to return home. That was when the unthinkable happened : my clothes were hooked up and ruffled and all my buttons destroyed. I didn't believe it was happening.
I got a new clothe and returned home. On my journey, I typed a beautiful message, appreciated all the times we had and gave reasons why the relationship has ENDED. There was no way I would be getting married to a potentially violent woman. She apologised and call my parents but I was gone. No promise of change on her part OR emotional tears could have me change my stance; I was gone.
If a little argument could lead to my buttons being destroyed during courtship, I didn't need any person to have told me what lied ahead. That moment, I engaged critical thinking and forever exited the relationship. But I didn't fail to point to her her anger issues. Some other person could put up with her, but not ME.
We need to be very clear when we make very critical decisions like whom to get married to. How far you go in life depends, to a very large extent, whom you're getting married to.
Never permit pressures of age or parents or even the society force you into making decisions that will only guarantee decades of bitterness, sorrow and gloom. Your decisions determine your destiny. Your decisions determine your happiness or sadness.
I'm not advocating for impatience on anyone's part. You could still give very reasonable time for your partner to address some red flags you'll notice. But where such a partner has not shown any meaningful, positive difference, let your head rather than your heart, guide thee.
Life's beautiful but getting married to someone you're NOT compatible with, will make life long, sad and miserable.
Make a smart choice and avoid a life of endless prayers, fasting and counselling. The average Nigerian has enough prayer points already! LOL.
Have a great day.
Moments ago, I saw and read a relationship topic on front page. This is as a result of that topic. The OP asked for advice from NLers over his to - be wife who has very serious anger issues. Anger is one of the worst weaknesses any person could have or tolerate in their lives.
We have this erroneous belief that ALL courtship must end in marriage. It's a dangerous mindset. The purpose of any courtship is to ascertain the COMPATIBILITY of the people involved. It's a time for each person to carefully decide what they can or can't tolerate in their partner. The courtship period is the most vital period before the knot is tied.
This message isn't tailored towards discouraging those who are in a courtship neither is it intended to make us fault finders but its purpose is make sure we make good decisions with our HEADS after taking the time to study and understand people.
People don't change.
Humans are some of the most complex creatures God ever made. We hardly change. We only change when we want to, not because some people wanted us to. That's the human nature. If you're tolerating very difficult issues with the belief the person will change in marriage, you've inherited an eternal prayer and fasting ministry. They will hardly change.
Don't ever ignore RED FLAGS.
Red flags are warning signals predicting potential dangers in the path of your relationship.
If any person told me I want going to marry Mary, I wouldn't have believed. I thought we were in love. Maybe we were. I was old enough to have witnessed my parents argue very bitterly, sometimes also to the point of not talking to each other for days. So I knew marriage is one of the most vital events I'll ever undertake; so I was prepared to get as much facts as I could on the issue of marriage.
When I visited her this fateful day, I didn't know it would be the last day we would see. It was blissful day. She had suggested I visit a pastor friend of hers. I did. She suggested I visit another friend but this time I refused because of the exhaustion that followed the first journey. In fact I suggested we reschedule the visit. An argument ensued. She insisted I should go, but I stood my grounds. After some exchange of words, I decided to return home. That was when the unthinkable happened : my clothes were hooked up and ruffled and all my buttons destroyed. I didn't believe it was happening.
I got a new clothe and returned home. On my journey, I typed a beautiful message, appreciated all the times we had and gave reasons why the relationship has ENDED. There was no way I would be getting married to a potentially violent woman. She apologised and call my parents but I was gone. No promise of change on her part OR emotional tears could have me change my stance; I was gone.
If a little argument could lead to my buttons being destroyed during courtship, I didn't need any person to have told me what lied ahead. That moment, I engaged critical thinking and forever exited the relationship. But I didn't fail to point to her her anger issues. Some other person could put up with her, but not ME.
We need to be very clear when we make very critical decisions like whom to get married to. How far you go in life depends, to a very large extent, whom you're getting married to.
Never permit pressures of age or parents or even the society force you into making decisions that will only guarantee decades of bitterness, sorrow and gloom. Your decisions determine your destiny. Your decisions determine your happiness or sadness.
I'm not advocating for impatience on anyone's part. You could still give very reasonable time for your partner to address some red flags you'll notice. But where such a partner has not shown any meaningful, positive difference, let your head rather than your heart, guide thee.
Life's beautiful but getting married to someone you're NOT compatible with, will make life long, sad and miserable.
Make a smart choice and avoid a life of endless prayers, fasting and counselling. The average Nigerian has enough prayer points already! LOL.
Have a great day.
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