Tuesday, November 3, 2015

I Am Ashamed Of Myself Right Now...


Helo Dudes am so ashamed of myself right now. I always hated weekends and often do overtime at work even when my boss screams "No payment for Overtime"...

I don't take off days even when I had to be on site late at night. I don't see myself as a workaholic because an average black man doesn't like work. Not because of the money either (though I will love to quit if a better offer springs up and am not relenting in the search)...but just to erase my mind off temptations. I spend my Sundays at my sister's house so that the kids will keep me preoccupied.



I am a strong advocate of #NOsexB4Marriage...Although during my University days I had smitten more kity kats than most guys will ever dream of. I had a re-orientation during my service year and took up the tag #Abstinence...I try to limit my discussions and interactions with the opposite sex, I don't approve of excessive touching and I preoccupy my thoughts with work..

Sundays are the worst days "no work"...so I am always extra careful and often stay glued to my routines....the firm I worked with just handed over a secondary school to her clients on the 23rd of last month and those of us who were immersed in the project and saw it to fruition were given 2 weeks break and a paltry sum as bonus.

2 weeks! That was where my problem started. First I travelled to stay with my parents spent three days wasn't comfortable because that was the neighbourhood I grew up, the ladies there may still think a leopard doesn't change its spot...I left when I saw so many temptations and green lights...I went to my sister's house and it's just the same thing because I have also tested some of the kity kats from the flats below...then my cousin persuaded me to come to portharcourt I haven't seen him in a decade.

When I got to PH I told my cousin of my new stand and he said "whatever rocks your boat"... The next two days, we had fun bought some item until ****** showed up embarassed...she was my cousin's friend. She was not a threat and she doesn't even dress hot. So I let down my guard whenever she visits. She cooked, we ate and I thought perhaps she was one of my cousin's numerous GFS.

Two days ago, my cousin told me they are going to watch Nigeria match in a bar. I am not a football fan,Tennis rocks my boat. So I preoccupied my self with a movie. About an hour later she came back and told me my cousin and his crew are cracking too many stuffs and she is no longer comfortable (My cousin is a Med doc. But he smokes at least a packet of B&H everyday + or minus other additives). I said okay. She went to lie on the bed and later I joined her. The apartment is a mini flat and the sitting room is tiled. Just a mattress no duvet so we slept on the same mattress. Truth be told I could not remember anything until I saw myself shooting fluid in a latex material. Everything vanished from my eyes I was filled with hate. The next morning I had my bath, called my cousin and was shocked when he told me he was already @ work I carried my bag and the lady quickly took her shower and left. I went straight to the hospital gave him the key to his apartment. I had already told him my boss asked me to rush down......I left PH....sad....this morning I woke up feeling sad. The memory with the lady that night keeps occupying my mind and she even sent a text that "she loves me because I am cool headed, polite and handsome"....I was further peeved by her subsequent messages. Now I am just ashamed of Myself...and am still asking; how did it happen why was I not reasonable enough?...well I have learnt my lesson..."Emotions are stronger than Knowledge"

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